9 Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

"7" The Prime Number

2012-01-15T17:52:00.003-05:00

In September, we added a 7th kid to our family, Lindy. Lindy is as cute as a bug, the sweetest girl ever, and Abby's full biological sister. Hopefully this spring, the adoption will finalize and she will be a permanent part of our family. While we have felt blessed to have her in our home, we have discovered that 7 is an odd number. I don't think I quite believed Mr. Barlow, my weird middle school math teacher, about how unique the number 7 really is. It doesn't divide into equal parts no matter what you do with it.

* Our "beverage buddies" have come to a screeching halt. When there is one person that gets their own drink, everyone else complains.

* Everything seems to come in packages of 4, 6, 8, or 10- which was so easy to divide in our family (4= 2 packages and everyone gets one, 6 = kids only, 8 = everyone gets one, 10 = everyone gets one now plus 2 for parents later). Now we always seem to have extras to fight over.

* I used to count to 6, 100's of times a day to make sure I had everyone with me. Counting to 7 doesn't have the same melody (try it 1.2.3.4.5.6.1.2.3.4.5.6.1.2.3.4.5.6.. vs. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.). You always feel like you are off count. I have resorted to counting 6 + AJ.

* Our van seems off balance. It used to be 2 in the front, 2 in the first seat, 2 in the middle seat, and 2 in the back. We seem to be constantly rearranging the kids to figure out which bench should have 3 to have the proper feng shei.

* 7 kids + 2 adults has put us into the "large party" dinning whenever we go out to dinner. There are always tables for 8, but 9 is where the "special" tables break out.

If adding just 1 more to make it an even 8 wouldn't be so much work, it would be the simple fix. But Al & I both agree, it is much easier to just adjust to 7.

Here is a video of Lindy from our Christmas Video. It starts with the first time that Abby, Aly, and I meet Lindy in Nebraska in September.

Spring Break 2011

2011-03-20T14:35:00.006-04:00

Top 15 of Spring Break 2010

#1 "The Bounder": The RV that we rented to take the kids on a five day, four night tour of the Texas Hill Country. The Bounder was 37 feet long with 3 sleeping areas and more TV's than our house.

#2 For the 437th time, yes all six kids are ours and before you say it yes our hands are full.

#3 "It just takes a minute to get used to." We used this phrase several times to coax our kids into Texas Spring water temperatures. Truth is, you never did get use to it, but it was fun. We did cliff jumping, river tubing, natural spring swimming with waterfalls and our kids favorite, the heated pool.

#4 After our camping reservation in Fredricksburg was a dud, Lisa was cooked dinner in the far end of the parking lot of HEB of while Al frantically searching on the Ipad for a place to park the Bounder overnight.

#5 Careening over the railroad track at 50 mph and launching the 3 bikes strapped to the back of the Bounder into oncoming traffic. Followed by Al sprinting a block back to the tracks to recover the bikes while the rest of family enjoyed the current movie selection. Sadly, only one bike survived.

#6 Bedtime Movie Night. Rudy, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Stars Wars 1, and Star Wars 2. Surprisingly the only nightmares were about "The Cheese Touch."

#7 After learning the hard way the proper steps to emptying the Bounder's sewage system, Al was a little crazy about only #1's in the Bounder. The only curse word uttered on the trip was Al just explaining what he was standing in.

#8 Lisa spending most of the trip wondering if she was actually riding on a cruise vessel in the open ocean. Unfortunately there was no railing to puke over the side. She learned that while traveling it was best to get a movie turned on for the kids and load them up with licorice and other treats so she didn't have to walk around on the Bounder.

#9 AJ managed to sneak almost all of the $15 of firewood into the campfire the first night. It did make great roasting for the larger than life marshmallows that Al bought.

#10 Due to the lack of personal space, Aly discovered the closet in the bedroom of the Bounder was the best place to be alone and get a good scream in.

#11 Caleb listened to his brother instead of common sense and reached into the hot coals left from the morning campfire to get out a prized rock. He paid dearly for it and spent the next two hours keeping his 2nd degree burned fingers in ice water.

#12 Abby the child that can open anything, managed to sneak open the packaged of licorice nibs and eat and distribute 3/4 of the package before we realized why everyone was being so secretive.

#13 The trip was full of proud moments for Jake. He walked by a dog without going berserk (a first for him), was the best at spotting squirrels and had a special language to talk to them, and dared to swim across the frigid spring to the waterfall with Al.

#14 Miley's bed hopping tour. The poor girl could never make up her mind where she wanted to sleep and instead took turns tormenting all of us one night at a time. Of course, no one wanted sleep with the little dirt ball. Babies only take about 2 minutes to be covered in dirt when camping.

#15 Upon arriving home realizing that we still hadn't adjusted our schedule to daylight savings time and Monday morning was going to be brutal.

Spring Break Picture Slideshow

2011-03-19T10:33:00.004-04:00

Spring Break Slideshow

I made this video of our trip for the kids and thought that our families might like it. It is lengthly (4 1/2 min or so). There is nothing clean about camping and eating cheese puffs!

The Snowman Club

2011-02-21T19:25:00.002-05:00

Since Caleb could walk, we have countless stories of his noctural behavior. Lately, he has recruited Jake in his late night and early morning escapades.

Last week, I noticed a strange glow coming from the boys bedroom right before we were headed to bed. That's when I discovered "The Snowman Club". Jake and Caleb had made nests of blankets in the corner of their room and found the porch snowman from Christmas and plugged him in for light. I broke up the club and stuck the snowman back in the closet, vowing the next day to put it in the attic where it belonged.

I forgot to tell Al about the club or put the snowman away.

The next night, it was Al that discovered the hottest club in the Burns' house, which apparently had gotten so hot that shirts were optional and chocolate chips were mandatory. Fortunatley, there were still only two members. Al shut the party down, put the snowman in the closet, and thus ended The Snowman Club.

I am sure there are more clubs running underground. It is just a matter of time before we discover them.

The 5th Child

2011-02-07T14:05:00.002-05:00

Apparently when you are the 5th child you learn a little about fending for yourself. Jake was tired of my telling him that he looked like a monkey and we needed to get his haircut. On Friday, he grabbed the scissors and cut anything that was sticking up. You can't really blame the kid. It did force us to get him a real haircut the next day.

Where is the pioneer stock?

2011-02-02T16:23:00.003-05:00

I have pioneer ancestors that walked across the United States in the 1800's with their belongings in a covered wagon, even when it was freezing outside. I pride myself on being tough like my ancestors. I had my first baby without an epidural to prove that I was as tough as the pioneers (and to save a little money). But, Texas has softened me to weather.

Today it is 20 degrees. Aly and I talked about moving to Florida this morning, we are pretty sure it never gets that cold there! I have frozen all day. I was sitting in bed working on dance studio stuff with my electric blanket on high and furnace running full fledge. I looked at the clock, realized it was time to go pick up Caleb, thought about waking up both of my napping kids to go out in the freezing weather and caved. I sent a text to Caleb's school teacher telling her to ask Caleb if he wanted to stay after school today in the aftercare program. Before I could think twice about it, I hit send. Caleb was excited to stay and play with friends and I am still in my warm bed.

Miley just woke up sad. Maybe her tender little heart realized what choice I made. I won't get the mother-of-the-year award, but at least Jake, Miley, and I will stay warm...

City Folk, Country Folk

2011-01-22T21:48:00.003-05:00

We attempted to jump into small town Texas life and headed to the Youth County Fair this afternoon. We had promised the kids lots of livestock, good treats, and some good ole Texas fun.

We were not dressed for the occasion. I think Al and I were the only ones with khakis on within a mile radius. We also had the only stroller.

After wandering around for 30 minutes we had seen lots of people with wranglers and boots but no farm animals and no fair food. There was an auction going on but we weren't clear about what they were auctioning off, I thought livestock, Al thought homemade brownies. I am not sure either of us were right. We eventually asked someone for instruction on the best way to enjoy the event. We found out that all the festivities occurred on Wednesday and Thursday and all that was left was the auction (though we still don't have an idea what they were selling.)

We called it quits and were headed back the car slightly dejected. Aly called out from the rear of the group, "Can we go to the zoo?" Yep, we are city folk. We are used to paying money and looking at exotic animals in cages. We are working on becoming country folk. I think the first place we need to start is our wardrobe.

Calebisms

2011-01-20T23:10:00.002-05:00

Caleb could have an entire blog just dedicated to him. He marches to a different drum. About a year ago he stopped distinguishing between fiction and non-fiction. Almost every day, Caleb's school teacher relates to me the latest thing that Caleb has said to add to his web of stories. Yesterday it centered on me.

Caleb to Mrs. Evan: My mom has shoes like that.

Mrs. Evans: That's good.

Caleb: Yeah, she got them in college. She doesn't have any money to buy new ones so she keeps on wearing the old one.

Mrs. Evans: Maybe she can check with your dad and get more money.

Caleb: Maybe.

At least this time I was thrifty in his mind! I didn't even know he knew what college is.

4 days later...

2011-01-17T20:19:00.003-05:00

I learned an awesome household trick 6 months ago. If there is a stain you can't get out of clothes, set the clothes in the sun and sometime, just sometimes it will come out. It is my Hail Mary of laundry. If nothing else works I just set it outside for a day or so. (Anything that has the set-it and forget it theme, I am game for). If the stain come out, the clothing item is welcome back in the house, if not it usually goes to the trash or goodwill pile. Occasionally I will hope for the "maybe if I just wash it enough times, the stain will eventually disappear, and until then I will just ignore it."

This week was a particularly difficult laundry week and 4 items ended up outside in exile. Luck would have it that it has rained every day since then and the clothes are still soaked. I don't even think the sun has peaked out.

Four days later and I have stained, soaked, smelly clothes. Pretty sure that isn't an improvement.

How to Survive Parenthood

2011-01-10T11:46:00.002-05:00

I am a firm believer that there is only one way to survive parenthood: to think your children are cute. Today I found this video on my computer. Somehow watching it, I forgot about the rough morning of getting everyone out the door and just have happy thoughts about how fun my kids are. Having a house full of kids can be crazy, but there is always someone to dance with!

Pancake Sick

2010-12-15T15:37:00.002-05:00

Caleb told me that he couldn't go to school today because he was "pancake sick". Apparently while was eating his last bite of pancakes this morning he started coughing and that combination caused something in his body that was going to prevent him from going to school. I couldn't get any other side effects out of him other than he was sick. I told him he was going anyway.

I did go in and explain to his teacher that if pancake sick became vomit sick that I would be right there to get him.

On second thought, I really should have let him stay home today. As I type this, I am remembering a tramatic experience that I had in the second grade when I became pancake-vomit-sick during school lunch when my mom told me that I was well enough to go to school. I have felt jaded since that experience that she wouldn't let me stay home that day. I think I better understand where she was coming from.

Failure to Blog Anonymous

2010-10-25T23:51:00.001-04:00

There are plenty of anonymous groups out there: alcoholics, narcotics, workaholics, etc. Where is the failure to blog anonymous? My drafts folder is plagued by multiple blog entries that contain two lines or less. I started writing, life happened and I was distracted and I never went back and finished. When I do have a chunk of time, I can't ever figure out where to start. I have been working the last month to bring normalcy back in my life.

I yearn for the days when my life consisted of only mothering 5 children and my special projects were teaching families to budget their money and getting groups of moms together. Fast forward 24 months where almost any moment that is not spent on keeping my six kids alive is spent on keeping Andy a float (see http://www.alligatordental.com/, Andy is the name of the gator).

Now I feel like my special projects are shaving my legs and plucking my eyebrows. Part of my 10 step plan back to normalcy is to begin blogging again. I need some good memories on how fun and exciting my life actually is, not just how tired I am all the time.

And so begins a return to normalcy.

AJ Update: Thank goodness for the purple paper

2010-09-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

It came last Friday and not a moment to soon. AJ came home with the purple paper. The paper saying he had been nominated for student council. I never thought I would care if my child was the popular kid in the class but then again I never thought I would have the kid that reads a book on the bus on the way home from school, loves to alphabetize things, and walks around with a Kleenex shoved up his nose. But when he brings home the purple paper each year, the other stuff doesn't worry me quite so much.

Potty Training 101

2010-03-07T22:48:00.003-05:00

Jake, 3 years 3 1/2 months, has decided that being potty trained is not a bad option. Some kids are only potty trained during the day. Jake is only potty trained when he isn't wearing pants. Put underwear, a diaper, pull-ups or pants on the boy and it is an invitation for his own personal port-a-potty.

The Only Hope

2010-03-07T22:44:00.002-05:00

My only hope in the sea of chaos that I currently live in is that perhaps when my kids are 30 they will finally decide that I know what I am talking about and will listen to me. My mother called and she is embarrassed by the lack of writing on my blog. So I decided to listen.

Quote of the Week

2009-11-15T22:34:00.001-05:00

"Stop chewing on the milk to get it open."

Al to Caleb

Not True Texans....Yet

2009-10-12T11:26:00.003-04:00

As we headed into Wal-Mart (the place to be in our small town) on Saturday, I noticed that our family stood out more than usual, if that is possible. A cold front had hit Texas with temperatures hovering in the high 60's. While the Texans were bundled up, some even in heavy winter coats, my kids were wearing shorts and t-shirts. Our family was just relieved to walk around without sweating.

Brady Bunch or Hannah Montana

2009-09-28T14:51:00.004-04:00

We aren't sure which TV show title better fits our family now, but it is down to Brady Bunch or Hannah Montana.

Miley Eliza Burns joined our family on September 21st. She weighed in at 8 lbs 1 oz and was 20 inches long. So far she seems pleased with her choice. She is a sweet, happy, healthy baby. Damage from siblings has been minimal. The kids think she is one of the best toys that we have ever gotten for them. More pictures on facebook for anyone who can't get enough.

Where Has The Time Gone?

2009-08-07T22:22:00.003-04:00

The last two months of our lives have been a whirlwind of activity. Every night when I go to bed I wonder how the day went so fast.

For our entire married life, we seem to unconscientiously seek out ways to make our life more interesting. Perhaps this time we went to far: Packing up a house for 7 while the hubby works 60+ hours a week, moving all that stuff 1500 miles, unpacking a house for 7 while the hubby works 70+ hours a week, adjusting 5 kids to new surroundings, starting up a business from scratch, setting up a temporary office, figuring out how to run that business, overseeing construction on the new office, figuring out how wife can work 15+ hours a week on office stuff from home, two new time consuming church callings, and the last trimester of pregnancy. Somehow blog entries have not made it into that list.

For an update: We are still breathing, still married, and all of our kids are still alive. We love our small town of Seguin, our new house, and our new life. There are many stories to tell, maybe blogging can make it on the list after something else gets crossed off.

A Mother's Pride

2009-07-12T22:19:00.005-04:00

It would make sense that I should have spent today packing things in boxes. We are moving in less than two weeks. Instead, I spent the morning running around town making copies and buying a lifetime supply of chipboard and notepad adhesive. Then the afternoon, I turned my kitchen into a print shop and created 100 referral notepads for Alligator Dental.

Some people have fond memories sitting at their mother's feet as she sewed. I remember my mom making notepads in the kitchen. My immediate family is the kind that on the outside may seem almost too perfectly normal, however I can write lists of the odd things they/we do.

Once I found out how much someone was going to charge us for referral notepads, I was sure I could make them myself. I might have imagined it, but I could feel a sense of pride in my mother's voice as she gave me the step by step instructions over the phone.

Vacation: Burns Style

2009-07-12T21:39:00.004-04:00

Al took a couple days of work in mid-June so we could have a first and last big "family vacation" using actual vacation time- no one is interested in paying him anymore when he doesn't go to work. We had planned a trip to Lake Winnepaskaee (from What About Bob?) in New Hamshire to visit some family friends with huge summer home right on the lake. As the time go closer we found out they woulnd't be there to summer until a month later, so we needed to figure out another vacation spot. With funds running low due to the upcoming move we opted for a camping trip to Hocking Hills, a resortist state park in central Ohio. While the hikes were breathetaking, we were sure to leave our mark.

* We sang "Row, Row, Row, your Boat" at 2 am as water filled our tent as the rains came pouring down.

* Waking up at 3:30 to what sounded like a glass of water being dumped in the middle of the tent, realizing that it was comotose Abby peeing in the middle of the tent inches away from sleeping Caleb's face. We had to dig for something that didn't get soaked by the rain to mop it up, dirty socks. They were thrown along with her underwear and pajama pants from the tent door into the wilderness as the outside of the tent resembled a swamp.

* Waking up the next morning to making a host of bad decisions. Bad choice #1: The campsite was nothing but a mud pit. Why hadn't we looked at the weather forcast and opted for a hotel room or at least rain jackets and umbrellas? Bad choice #2: Listening to the avid hikers. We headed straight for the Burb in our pajamas (so we would have clean and dry clothes for later in the day) and opted to drive to a picnic pavaillion to eat breakfast. We had the company of some avid hikers who told us that the rain wasn't to bad on the hikes because the tree canapy acted like an umbrella. After breakfast we tried the nearby Old Man's Cave hike. Bad choice #3: After realizing the the hikers were referring to a light sprinkle and not the full blown downpour not heading back to the Burb. We were only soaked through our top layers and did not resemble jumping into a swimming pool fully clothed as we would at the end of the hike. Bad choice #4: Changing into swimsuits and sandals (the only clothes we had in the Burb) and finding another couple hikes to go on. We figured we were already soaked, we might as well keep going. By that point the rain had subsided and multiple people along the hike questioned the sanity of our group, a large family looking like they were headed for the beach tromping through the wilderness.

* AJ was furious about the dinner that we had out at nice restaurant. He called us liars, as he reminded us that we had brought food to eat and why couldn't we just have hotdogs over the fire.

* The next night Al had jimmy-rigged the tent so we didn't flood inside but a loud thunderstorm came and rumbled the whole night. We didn't sleep very well but can't say if it was due to the thunder or the troubled man in the bathroom (100 feet from our campsite) that spent half the night puking so hard you wondered if he was trying to get his intestines to come out of his mouth.

Good thing we paid extra for the shaded campsite. Overall the kids had a great time and want to know when we are going again. They didn't understand when I told them it might be a while.

Mother Knows Best

2009-06-02T20:46:00.001-04:00

"Caleb, you will stay on that couch until you take a nap. You need one so bad today."

He was so tired that in the midst of climbing off, he fell asleep.

Aloha and Mahalo

2009-05-30T23:38:00.009-04:00

Things we should talk about when reminiscing about our Hawaii retreat:

* Gorgeous view from the balcony of our hotel room every morning gazing at the picture perfect beach

* All you can eat sushi restuarant

* Signing closing documents for our house in Texas in the lobby of our hotel with a lady named Nani.

* Very productive dental conference

* Eating dinner right on the beach while watching the sunset followed by a fireworks show.

* Authentic luau complete with the best-pina coladas-on-earth on a secluded beach.

What we will talk about when reminiscing about our Hawaii retreat:

* Al's patience while doing circles in LAX Terminal 4 for 45 minutes looking for a place to eat lunch because nothing sounded good to me.

* The elevator ride and shuffle down the hall in our hotel at midnight in our pajamas with all of our luggage in tow. They couldn't get the air conditioning to work in our room so they switched our room.

* Kayaking on the Ocean. It sounded like the perfect way to celebrate our 9th anniversary. We spent the hour at sea clanking oars (we couldn't catch on to the synchronized part), doing lots of circles because we were confused about which way we wanted to head, and unable to have a conversation because of the ocean waves + me in front shouting + Al in back not being able to hear a thing. To top it off, we both had some sunscreen issues. Al's neck looked like he had had a tracheotomy with a big white circle in the middle. My shins were so burnt to a crisp (who burns their shins?) that I could have marked my ethnicity as mixed (caucasian and red).

* The bus rides to Pearl Harbor. The first included a death march from of 1 1/2 miles from the flea market to the Memorial with bags of souvenirs and 90 degree heat only to find out it had closed 15 minutes earlier. The second included a very crowded 45 minute return bus ride with my charred legs (see above kayaking on the ocean). I fought for the only available seat on the bus, between these two guys:

One guy was drooling as he was sleeping and the other spent the ride making phone calls to his job lying about why is was late. I am pretty confident neither had showered that day.

* The morning ritual of seeing who could wake up first and get dibs to work on the computer while the other person had to use a paper & pen to work on all of our business "To Do" lists. I only won one morning (at 3:30 am).

* Getting busted by the US Department of Agriculture for attempting to illegally transport fruit, they found an orange in the bottom of my bag from breakfast that I had forgotten about.

Taking a Vacation From My Problems

2009-05-20T07:05:00.003-04:00

One week, no spilled milk to clean up, little bums to wipe, pb&j sandwiches to make, timeouts, toys to clean up. What are we going to do with ourselves for that long? Spend a week cramming our heads with knowledge on how to run a dental practice, eating pineapple, counting how many sno-cones we can eat in a day, and enjoying the Waikiki beach. Not a bad trade-off.

Kudos to my mother-in-law and sister in-law that are playing caretakers of the munchkins for the week! They should be in for a wild ride.

The Miracle of the Plunger

2009-05-07T20:26:00.002-04:00

We have the worst toilets every manufactured. They clog with one toilet square too much. Not a good combination with a houseful of toddlers, learning to wipe. We also have the worst plunger ever manufactured. We should have gone for the cheap $2 one instead of the ergonomic model with retractable handle. Somehow buying a new plunger has never made it on the shopping list.

I am not mechanically inclined. Growing up I was barred from operating appliances. No matter how long I have spent in front of one of our clogged toilets, I have not been able to figure out how to clear it. I usually give up when raw sewage starts spilling out onto the floor. Al has tried to give me several lessons with no success. Fortunately, we have enough bathrooms that I just condemn the clogged bathroom for the day until Al gets home in the evening. It has been a great system until today.

Mere hours after Al headed out on a business trip, I discovered the unsightly back flowing of a flush. Leaving a toilet clogged for 4 hours is a lot different than 4 days. I had Al give me a lesson over the phone, I listened more intently than I ever had. Surely, a college graduate that had managed to keep five kids alive for all these years should be able to conquer the toilet. After the kids went to bed, I headed in with the determination that I would not leave until the job was finished. After a quick prayer, a couple of plunges, and a flush- the familiar swoosh was back.

I Will Survive...I Did Survive

2009-05-02T09:47:00.004-04:00

At first I was afraid I was petrified...During the early morning ride to the airport, my stomach felt like I was at the beginning of a roller coaster. You know the feeling as you are climbing the first long hill, you aren't sure if it is a small drop or the biggest drop of your life. I had no idea what my kids had in store for me in the next week. Covering 4,000 miles in the air, different sleeping locations every night of the 8 night trip, constant spoiling, and I was taking off for Texas for a couple of days in the middle for some house hunting with Al; all of those factors combined and it could be a recipe for disaster. I hugged Al good-bye at the gate slightly overcome with emotion of what I was about to face. I questioned my overall mental health more walking down the jet way than I have before.

Amazingly, not only did we survive but we thrived. The kids had a great time on the airplane (the turbulence was their favorite, they giggled all the way through it), I ran out of reading material after reading Sky Mall and the in flight magazine cover to cover, the kids had a great time with all six sets of their grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, we have a place to live in Texas, and we all came home exhausted but happy. A lot of thanks goes to all the relatives in Utah for ensuring the success of our trip.

It has taken more than a week to recover, but we are back to normal life!

Silent Disobedience

2009-04-06T12:18:00.002-04:00

It was a bad day when Caleb figured out how the child locks work to open doors. In his mind the legos in AJ's room, makeup in my bathroom, and food pantry are all free game. Timeouts in our house are spent in the hallway on a bar stool, a minute for every year you are. Three minute timeouts can actually add up to quite a bit of time in a little boy's day. Of course, it is Caleb and he has no problem accepting consequences for his actions. If a negative consequence doesn't make you mad, is it really a consequence?

His last timeout, I left the room to check on the other kids, and came back 90 seconds later to make sure he was still on the bar stool. He was, but standing on top of the bar stool with his hands raised, completely naked. His clothes were lying in a pile on the floor.

I did the only thing I could and walked back out of the room.

The End of the Darkness

2009-04-02T22:43:00.001-04:00

Since January, we have been without a working camera. After over 4 years of faithful service, our 4.0 mega pixel camera turned every picture into a series of random lines; very artisty. We have delayed researching and getting a new one because if you don't have a camera you don't have to feel guilty about not taking pictures (we are now at 2 Christmas's in a row that we noticed we don't have photos of).

All of that ended when AJ won the pinewood derby on Friday. You read it correctly, the Tiger Cub won with his candy corn car. It definitely wasn't the "Best of Show" car. It was a pretty serious night. The race line-up was calculated using a spreadsheet created by the OSU engineering department. The kids were not allowed to touch the cars after the weigh-in. Every race was videotaped, in the event of a one to close to call. There were a few upsets dads who had spent hours on their kids cars or purchased expensive pre-made ones off the internet. Al was just hoping the AJ's car wouldn't come in last. We were surprised race after race when he kept winning. We were sad that we couldn't take a picture.

Saturday afternoon we headed to the camera store to do some research and in typical Burns fashion left the store 20 minutes later with a camera in tow. The bigger the purchase the quicker we seem to be able to make a decision.

We need to come up with a creative excuse to our kids why their was no record of their lives in the first quarter of 2009.

A Confession

2009-03-26T22:44:00.000-04:00

I need to confess. Four morning a week, it is just Jake and I. Everyone else is in school. I find myself on those mornings pretending that I really do have just one kid. It takes me back to the days of just my buddy AJ. The quietness. The feeling of grocery shopping without every shopper stopping in their tracks to stare. Swimming at the pool and never needing to count to 5, because the only one I am responsible for is right next to me. Reality does come back to me, at 11:15 on each of those days. The calm is good, but not nearly as fun as real life.

Destruction of St. Patty's Day

2009-03-23T12:29:00.000-04:00

AJ was writing his spelling sentences last week. He wanted to know how to spell leprechaun. He wanted to know where you find shamrocks. Then he wanted to know why we didn't have leprechauns come to our house. I couldn't take it and told him that leprechauns weren't real and that they were just fun stories to tell. He got emotional and asked, "Then how did someone get into all the first grade classes when we locked the doors and left and put chocolate coins on every one's desks? Who would do that, Mom? Who else could get in when there was just a tiny crack in the door for the leprechauns to go through? Huh, Mom?

I was defeated. "You're right, AJ. Leprechauns are real."

A Letter to Jake

2009-03-19T16:32:00.001-04:00

Dear Jake:

For the last 2 1/2 years, I have been on your team. I handled the 9 months, 20 ultrasounds, and 6 potentially serious problems. You were my baby, and whatever issues we had to deal with once your were born, I was ready to support you. I was surprised to hold a heathly baby in my arms and even more surprised to be holding a redhead. In all of those tests, red hair was never mentioned.

I think your dad left your team a year ago or so. He was much quicker to see your antics. I have defended our team , the "But" team. But, Jake is just a baby. But, it isn't his fault he had a temper- it's the hair. But, he is just surviving the jungle he lives in. Over the last few months you have been adding straw to the camel's back. This week when you dumped your bowl of cereal and milk all over the counter and laughed then 15 minutes later shattered my favorite mixing bowl on the floor; you did it, you broke the camel's back.

I have changed teams and it is in your best interest to change teams too. It is time you joined the rest of us on the "Consequences for Actions" team. I do love you!

Your Mother

Bad Judgement

2009-03-11T20:57:00.002-04:00

The flyer came home from school, PTA Social: Make a Clay Tile With Your Child, Buy Books from the Book Fair, Spend $20 on Ice Cream. Knowing that Al was working late that night, I ignored that flyer, and the 2nd one, and the 3rd one. But then, Aly, Caleb, and AJ came home from school begging to go. Their teachers had convinced them how fun the party in the gym would be. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but wasn't strong enough to fight it. I have now learned, better to use the strength up front than later in the crowded gym trying to roll out clay for the school mural with four of your kids, while the two-year-old lays on the ground sucking on one of the clay tools. Not exactly socially acceptable, but he was quiet and staying in one place. I did have a brief moment of self-reflection, "Have I actually turned into one of those parents?"

Since I crave to be the center of attention, imagine my gratefulness to Jake who during our exit threw a five-star tantrum. I juggled the human molecule while mother-henning the other four to stay close. There wasn't a soul in the gym, in the parking lot, or just driving by on the street that didn't know we had come.

We did complete 3 tile pieces for the sky and each kid was able to pick out a book without destroying the book fair. I am not certain that I will scout those tiles out on the completed mural. No additional memories are needed of this excurison.

Cookie Love

2009-03-08T20:35:00.004-04:00

I've heard that love for your children continues to grow each day of their lives. For the sake of our kids, we better hope so. We have sacrificed health, sleep, sanity and more; but Al and I aren't ready yet to sacrifice any girl scout cookies.

Pixi Stick Therapy

2009-03-04T21:34:00.000-05:00

Some people count to 10 to calm down. I count to 5 too many times a day as it is just to ensure all my kids are accounted for. I discovered a new technique last night.

In the midst of a crazy night, Abby pooped in her underwear. I had a friend that would just throw them away, not such a bad idea. However, she didn't have a WaterPic Shower Hose like we do. It resembles hosing down an elephant, but it takes almost all touching out of the equation, a definite plus.

As I headed upstairs to begin the treacherous chore, I noticed a pixi stick in the pantry (probably someones leftover Valentine). I figured I would need some extra energy. The pixi stick and I headed upstairs. Strangely, I found serenity as I sat on a stool next to the bathtub mentally preparing for the task at hand and filling my mouth with sugary sweet sugar. Something about a pixi stick that seems not right (my mom always got mad at me for eating straight brown sugar), but is so soothing.

I am now contemplating a bulk order of pixi sticks! There are plenty of reasons around this house to need some extra serenity.

Modern Day Legends

2009-03-02T09:13:00.004-05:00

My parents walked to school in below zero temperatures and it was uphill both ways. My kids now have similar experiences they can share with their kids. The sun was shining today, how deceiving that was. I can actually explain my insanity on this one.

#1: I hate driving in the car. It probably goes back to my 15th year, the first day I had my learner's permit, driving on a farm road and crashing right into the side of a horse trailer, spooking the horse and causing $2k worth of damage. It was less than a block from where I started from. As the cop was issuing a ticket for an "unsafe left turn", my mother was arguing that me even driving a car was unsafe. My disdain for driving is possibly related to the fact that I am a bad driver.

#2: I am fanatic about wasting certain resources (paper towels, heat, gas). I feel like I am wasting gas if I don't have at least two stops on every trip out of my driveway.

#3: I read an article on the causes of childhood obesity a while back and the author cited a substantial decrease in kids that walk to school as a contributing factor of the national crisis. I pledge to the magazine then and there that I would not be responsible for my children getting obese just because I drove them to school.

When I got home I checked the weather, the wind chill was -2. I did promise that I would bring the car to pick them up. We headed to the grocery store after school, just so it was a two stop trip.

The Definition of Insanity

2009-03-01T21:56:00.000-05:00

Booking six tickets to fly yourself and your 5 kids to visit grandparents during spring break while your husband stays home and works. At least we should have lots of room on the planes. I can't imagine anyone wanting to get somewhere so bad that they would be willing to sit by us.

Thump, Thump

2009-02-27T21:47:00.000-05:00

Late last night, I was driving down an unfamiliar road. Paying more attention to the surroundings than the road itself, I found myself upon a huge burlap sack in the middle of road. With no time to switch lanes, I opted to just plow through. For the next three blocks I had to convince myself over and over again that it was just an empty burlap sack. There wasn't anything inside, especially a body. It was just a little thump and something that big would make big thumps. I think I have been watching to many TV dramas.

Cavity Fighting Caleb

2009-02-25T11:06:00.001-05:00

After Caleb completed a thorough examination of Jake's mouth in the car on the way to church, he declared that Jake had a cavity. Luckily, he hasn't tried to do a filling- yet.

Lisa, Where Are You?

2009-02-24T18:49:00.002-05:00

Habits are an interesting phenomenon. Whatever you are in the habit of doing gets done, everything else is really easy to forget. Such it is with my blogging. Apparently if I am MIA for more than 5 weeks, I get a plethora of "Are you okay?" messages. When Ashley started bugging me about it (the person that averages 10 blog updates a year), I realized some action must be taken. Starting today, blogging is back on my "habit" list.

The 1st Grade Preschooler

2009-01-16T16:40:00.000-05:00

My kids convinced me that it wasn’t too cold to walk to school (9 degrees outside). We load up the wagon and take off. We make a very brisk 5 minute walk and get to the school. I discover that amid the heap of kids and blankets, Caleb’s backpack did not make the trek. Caleb is worried that he doesn’t have his snack, so I promise to run home and get it. Out of breath, I make it to his class and find he isn’t there. I find out, Caleb is in AJ’s class. Everyday he goes to AJ’s class with him and hangs out with the first graders until he decides to mosey down to his own preschool class. I was at a loss for words. His teachers just laugh and call it, “Brother Bonding.”

I still can’t decide if I should be mad that Caleb is late everyday or happy that my kids like each other.

The Demise of the Crib

2009-01-15T16:24:00.001-05:00

I was a little misty-eyed as I took Jake’s crib down today. For 6 ½ years, that crib has been a fixture in our house. After doing the transition from crib to big bed four times, neither Al or I were in any hurry to do it a fifth time. We didn’t care if Jake was in kindergarten before he switched beds. Jake had other plans. As I was leaving his room one day at naptime, he climbed out of his crib and into the empty bottom bunk. “What are you doing?” I asked. “My bed,” he answered. He never looked back.

Mr. Inventor

2009-01-14T16:21:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I grabbed a drink out of the fridge that I assumed to be juice poured into a water bottle. I quickly found out that it was ice-cold soap water. It took me back to my childhood days of talking back to my mom. It was a mystery where it came from until yesterday. I found a water bottle on the counter with a handmade label taped to it, “AJ’s germ stuff.” After interrogation, I learned that he makes it up using liquid soap and water. He "needs" it to wash his hands effectively. I tried to convince him that the soap dispenser had already been invented.

Blogger Mystery

2009-01-13T12:10:00.000-05:00

Just found this most dated 11/20/08, somehow it never got published.

School Lunch
AJ loves school lunch, mainly to his mother's dismay. School lunch appears to have morphed into an overprocessed hunk of food on a styrofoam plate. Lunch not being a battle I want to fight, AJ eats school lunch everyday.

On last week's schedule I had written that AJ needed to take a sack lunch to school because they were going to a theatre production. I was fairly confident the field trip was the next week, but just to be on the safe side I sent a lunch with AJ. Some people are quick learned, apparently I am not one of them.

First Try (Wed): When he got home, he took the lunch out of his backpack and handed it to me.
AJ: "No field trip today, Mom"
Lisa: "Why didn't you eat the lunch I packed?"
AJ: "It was corn dog day."
I put the lunch in the fridge and sent it with him the next day.

Second Try (Thurs): When he got home, he took the lunch out of his backpack and handed it to me.
AJ: "No field trip today, Mom"
Lisa: "Why didn't you eat the lunch I packed?"
AJ: "We didn't go on a field trip."
I pulled out the non-perishable goodies and let the kids scavenge the rest.

Third Try (Wed): When he got home, he took the lunch out of his backpack and handed it to me.
AJ: "The field trip is rescheduled until tomorrow."
Lisa: Blank stare
I put the lunch in the fridge and sent it with him the next day.

Fourth Try (Thurs): When he got home, he took the lunch out of his backpack and handed it to me.
Lisa: "No field trip again today?"
AJ: "No we went. It was the Thanksiving Fest."
Lisa: Blank stare
I left it on the counter and let the other kids scavenge it.

McDonald's Commercial

2009-01-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

What about a McDonald's commercial where the mom is in the middle of placing an order at the drive-thru when the six-year old son in the back seat yells, "Mom, I just lost my tooth. Where should I put it?"

It was a serenity now moment. Why does my family strive to be unique even in losing teeth?

OT

2009-01-06T15:31:00.001-05:00

At Abby's occupational therapy appointment this week, one of the therapists should have reconsidered wearing low-rise pants while working with children in a gym setting. Every time she sat down to talk to her client, she was showing more of a crack than anyone should have to see. About halfway through, Abby runs by and starts laughing, "I can see your bum." The adults in the room were completely silent as we had all been thinking the same thing.

Who is wearing "dye-peres"

2009-01-02T14:34:00.003-05:00

Last August, we had four kids in diapers. Just 17 months later we are down to one. The causality of the last transition was name calling. We convinced Abby that she would be a baby until she wore underwear. Now, the dora-wearing-big-girl's favorite thing to tell people is, "You baby, you wear dye-peres." She is not afraid to shout it at church, tell her grandma, or say it 10 times in a row.

Muffin Trains

2008-12-19T12:19:00.002-05:00

I spent the good part of the morning making lemon poppy seed muffins to serve to some friends and their kids that were coming over for a play date. My kids were ready to eat them as soon as the company arrived. I handed each kid one mini muffin at the table, while the moms went into the living room to visit. Five minutes later when I went to check on them, the muffin plate was empty and my four darlings had each made a muffin train. The engines were the big muffins I had made for the moms, minus a bite here and there. Apparently, only the engine is allowed to have a glaze on top. Aly and Abby remedied the situation by licking the glaze off of each mini muffin. Aly even figured out that if you take a bite out of the side, the muffins "lock" together. Caleb and Jake didn't mess with licking and just bit the tops of the muffins.

I found two mini muffins that were salvageable and feed them to my guests. Should I be surprised that neither of the moms asked for seconds?

Post Office Bill $48,453.40

2008-12-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

That's right. I braved the huge lines at the post office today and $48k was my total bill. I did have an entire laundry basket full of stuff to mail. The cashier managed to laughed when I said I didn't think my credit line was that high. After reviewing my receipt, I found I was just about to buy 50,060 international stamps. After voiding out the stamps and crushing my dreams of an international junk mail business, we were back to $50.

Christmas Doesn't Get Better Than This!

2008-12-16T17:29:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Monkey See, Monkey Do, Monkey Get In Trouble Too!

2008-12-14T20:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks Caleb for teaching your brother some of your good tricks.

How Not To Make A Birthday Cake

2008-12-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

For years, Al had cringed on every child's birthday when I mention the cake. Growing up my grandma made the most wonderfully decorated cakes. Whatever we said we wanted that year she could make. I think my favorites were the boombox and the barbie cake (I must have had 4 or 5 of those). She set a high bar. In my mind, a birthday is not complete without an awesome homemade cake. Cake decorating is not one of my natural talents or one that I am interested in other than 5 times a year, the night before each child's birthday. Hence, the night before the birthday usually lead to lots of tears and yelling. In an effort to keep emotions in check during the past year, I have tried to find something easy that I find as an acceptable alternative to an ornate cake. The dump truck cake for the boys as been a great find!

The girls have been a little more difficult. But the day before Aly's birthday, I found a cupcake tower that I thought would be perfect. How long can it take to make cupcakes, frost them with different colors, and then throw them in a pile? FOREVER!

Issue #1: After emptying the contents of the cake mix, I realized that it was cornstarch and not cake mix. Thanks Caleb for messing up the food storage!

Issue #2: I only had 1 egg instead of 2. How important can the eggs be anyway?

Issue #3: The only cupcake wrappers I had were Christmasy. I voted for naked cupcakes instead.

Issue #4: Do you know how long it takes to make each shade the perfect color and how many bowls? Thanks Al for doing all the dishes!

Luckily, Aly's cake turned out much cuter than it should have. Thank goodness for miracles.

Emily Abby and Emily Aly

2008-12-09T15:13:00.002-05:00

I deemed that this year the girls were old enough to appreciate the Newborn Nursery experience. At a store in the mall, the girls got to pick out their special babies out of over 30 different ones. The babies weigh 5 pounds and are weighted like newborn babies. While wearing hospital gowns, the girls checked heartbeats, counted toes, changed diapers, tied bows, and posed for photos.

The girls insisted that both babies be named Emily. My heart was a little tender watching my little girls do all the new mom things that I realized that I wasn't there to do for them. All tenderness left when I had to carry a screaming Aly out to the car because she wanted her baby to ride in the stroller I had brought to push Abby.

The next day, as I was taking both babies up to the girl's room I realized that they had the same faces just different hair and eye color. Abby hadn't cared which one she got so I got to pick and then Aly insisted on anything but what I liked. While Aly was rocking her baby she noticed the one she had picked out had brown eyes instead of blue like her. I had the "nurse" trade it for the one of the ones that I had tried earlier to convince her to get. I had no idea that I had picked the same face. I knew I was opinionated, but had no idea that subconsciously I knew which face in 15 baby doll faces I liked.

O Christmas Tree

2008-12-08T14:39:00.000-05:00

I entered marriage with thoughts of producing holidays that Martha Stewart would stamp her name onto. That first Christmas, the tree almost lead to the dissolution of our marriage. It started with me dragging Al to every store in a 10 mile radius to find the perfect tree. After hours and hours of searching, on the 11th of December I found it. The next night we were to spend the evening lighting the tree, tying crimson and gold ribbon on the tree, hang homemade gingerbread man ornaments, all while Christmas music played in the background and angels stood nearby.

Instead, the light didn't work, Al couldn't tie a pretty bow to save his life, we had to turn down the music so we would stop shouting at each other, and the fireworks really began when Al pulled out his sack of childhood ornaments. How could I let the Red Santa in a Plane or the Baby in a Red Craddle be put on my crimson and gold tree? The rest of the holiday seemed to follow suit. It was so miserable that the ornament scroll to record memories of our first Christmas together, remains blank today.

Oh, how times have changed. This year not an ornament on our tree matches, everything is lopsided, some ornaments are simply paper that AJ decided needed to be on the tree, and most of the time you can find at least 5 ornaments scattered on the ground. Despite all this, it is my favorite tree ever. It reminds me of the real spirit of the season. That Martha Stewart tree can wait.

Phew!

2008-12-03T21:56:00.002-05:00

Aly turned 4 today. It marks the officially end to the annual 7 weeks of triplets. For almost two months are every year, we have three kids that are the same age. This year it was the threes. The year of the 1's was physically draining. The year of the 2's was emotionally draining. The year of the 3's left a mark on almost everything/person in our house. My curiosity is peaked about what the years of the 4's will bring.

Urgent Care

2008-12-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

Is it a problem when the staff at the Urgent Care near your home recognizes you? They are nice there but this time I told them I hoped never to see them again. I had gone 5 years of motherhood with no significant accidents. Really, 5 trips in 10 months seems a bit excessive.

This time it was Abby-in the kitchen-with the cornered wall.

Short term= 5 stitches.

Long Term = A Harry Potter Scar or Vitamin E twice a day and sunscreen every time we go outside.

Can't live without a shop vac!

2008-11-26T15:43:00.000-05:00

What else could you use to clean up an entire bottle of chocolate syrup that your children dumped onto the living room floor while making pretend chocolate bread? Apparently chocolate isn't so easy to pretend.

Guess what I found in Caleb's room? You mean besides the pumpkin pie?

2008-11-25T21:45:00.000-05:00

The boys took to heart the ultimatum sent down after the early morning parties, that if you wake up, you stay in your bed and be quiet until you see the sun. They were quiet all right. And we didn't' see them until the sun was up. It was the staying in your bed part they struggled with. In a matter of a night, they had turned their room upside down.

After some detective work, I figure this is how the night went. Caleb wakes up, needs someone to play with so he starts unloading the toy chest onto sleeping Jake. Jake wakes up ready to join in the fun. Somehow Caleb helps Jake get out of his crib. They empty the rest of the toy chest onto the floor. They get hungry and go downstairs to get a piece of bread. As they are getting the loaf of bread, Caleb spies the pumpkin pie that he never got a piece of before he went to bed, so he carries it upstairs and sends the bread bag with Jake. They forget forks but figure their hands will work just as well. They try to see if the pie taste different depending on where in the room you are eating it. It seems to taste the best of the bottom bunk and the closet. Eventually, all that is left of the pie is some crumbs and smears of pumpkin but they are still hungry. They remember the loaf of bread. They try a few pieces but find it is more fun to rip up the pieces and fill the empty toy chest. Still hungry, Caleb remembers he saw yogurt in the fridge and brings 3 containers back. He throws the lids away in the bathroom garbage because Mom gets really mad when the kids throw garbage on the floor. After eating the yogurt, Caleb looks around and realizes that Mom is going to be mad about how messy the room is so he figures they will just cover up the mess. Caleb stands at his dresser and Jake at his and they take turns emptying out their dressers drawers into a big pile on the floor that covers up most of the pumpkin smears, the empty bread bag, and the empty yogurts.

There is not a time-out long enough for these two. I think it is time to get an apnea-type monitor for Caleb that alerts us when he wakes up.

Party, My Room, 4 AM

2008-11-24T12:47:00.000-05:00

While 5 of the members of this family were in deep slumber, Caleb and Jake had a party. Caleb had turned on all the upstairs lights (including the lights in his siblings bedrooms), turned the bathroom sinks on full blast, and filled Jake's crib with toys. Jake turned his crib into a trampoline ride with lots of bouncing and screaming. When a half-conscience Officer Al dragged himself up to shut the party down, he was greeted with "Hi DAD!" and an invitation to join in the fun. It must have been worth seeing Dad get so made, because two nights later the party was continued.

Nap Time Cancelled

2008-11-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law successfully got all six of her kids to take naps until they started kindergarten. I followed her example with AJ, but it looks like it will stop there. My kids are getting more and more creative at getting out of quiet time. Today's plan was an royal ball. I couldn't tell the kings and queens that they had to go to sleep instead of dancing to Cinderella music.

I am not a bad mother, I am not a bad mother, I am not a .....

2008-11-20T13:14:00.000-05:00

The chant I have been repeating in my head since Aly whacked off one of her pigtails with kitchen shears during Sunday afternoon naps. It is the third haircut gone bad this year. The second was definitely the worst; I still can't laugh about it. Abby Before Haircut Gone Bad

After the hair stylist fixed it

I was to emotionally scarred last time to take a picture of the initial haircut. I learned my lesson this time. I took a picture of the drama during the timeout that followed the cut. I don't think that the timeout did anything for Aly, but it did give me time to become rational. I plan on blowing the picture up big and putting it on the bathroom mirror so everyday we can talk about how bad it is to cut your hair. Notice the right pony tail is much shorter than the left.

Science Experiment

2008-11-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

Take 3 three year old and put them into a 2 foot by 3 foot shower, turn on the water, and it is a great demonstration of how high energy molecules bounce around. Though, I don't think molecules yell at the tops of their lungs.

Quirky Tag

2008-11-14T11:39:00.001-05:00

I got tagged by Emily. Emily is one of my great friends from Nebraska that helped me survive our Nebraska baby stage. The kindness of our friends was the only way that we kept our sanity. How can I not do whatever she says?

Some of my quirks-

Daily Baths: Every morning since every kiddo was born they get bathed. I love good smelling kids and I must have kids stinkier than most because if they don't get that morning bath, they are gross!

Cars: Pure disdain. I don't like to ride in cars, drive cars, insure cars, fill-up cars, or service cars. If it were realistic, I would prefer to walk everywhere.

Diapers: I have changed so many diapers in the last four years that it has become an odd routine. New diaper underneath. Remove tabs of old diaper. Stick tabs back in place. Set diaper to side. Use wipe. Set wipes on top of old diaper. Secure new diaper. Wrap diaper around finger to make as small as possible. Secure one tab to keep diaper shut.

Library Fines: Getting a 10 cent library fine can get me in a bad mood for the whole day.

Dinner: I always eat my veggies first. I can't stand them cold. I then eat the rest of my food in sections.

Favorite Breakfast Treat: My secret indulgence is a can of soda to drink with a bowl of cereal in the morning. It something about the carbonation and the crunch. It is a good think that we don't have soda around the house very often.

Tag Rules: *Link the person who tagged you *Mention the rules on your blog *Tell about six quirks of yours *Tag six fellow bloggers to do the same *Leave a comment to let them know *6 People I tag: the first six people to read this post

The Risk of My Friendship

2008-11-13T12:04:00.003-05:00

Fortunately, there are people in this world that are willing to be my friends even though it comes with a huge amount of risk. That risk would be having to participate in all kinds of bizarre events that contribute to my less than normal life. With little reflection I can come up with dozens of instances. I probably should have some kind of warning label that I can give people when I first meet them.

A big thanks to Rachel today for letting me in when I showed up unannounced at 9 AM only to borrow a garbage and some floor space to change a yucky diaper. It made sense at the time. We were strolling downtown in the crisp autumn air, the suburban was getting lubed, and Jake did some lubing of his own. I was stumped on how to remedy the problem until I remembered that a dear friend lived just blocks away. "Hi, I need a favor and then I will leave a stink bomb behind as a thank-you."

Thanks to all of you that have entered the realm of my friendship and embraced it!

Ghost of Potty Training Past

2008-11-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

As a weak attempt to get Burns #4 and possibly #5 to potty train themselves, I put a mini-potty in the bathroom. Maybe if they see it enough they will want to use it? Instead of the desired effect, I have found myself emptying it multiple times due to the ghost of potty training past. Instead of 5 potty trained kids, I am doing diapers for two kids and emptying a little potty from one of the other three. No one will fess up to being the ghost.

Name Calling: Burns Style

2008-11-10T12:53:00.004-05:00

I am taken by surprise each day that goes by and the complaint of the day is, "Mom, he/she called me a BABY." So far it has been the one and only name they have call each other. Secretly I want to reply with, "Really, is that the best that you can come up with." But, when you can get tears, screaming, and fighting with just using BABY there really must not be a need to delve into the barfbreathe realm.

Even the Pumpkins are Buckeye Fans

2008-11-07T14:19:00.001-05:00

Our Halloween pumpkins had seen better days. With a little secrecy, while all were at school today, Jake & I carried the pumpkins to the trash. I saw the most curious site. The inside of the pumpkins had as much red mold as black, a interesting but gross way to cheer on the Buckeyes.

Lost and Found

2008-11-06T14:16:00.000-05:00

My mind that is.

Last night as I was putting everything away from our trip, I noticed my wallet was missing. We narrowed it down falling out in one of the airplanes or the kids hiding it sometime during the day. We spent the rest of the night cancelling credit cards, calling the airline and airports, and searching every possible hiding place my kids have discovered (trash, recycling, kitchen cupboards, etc). All with no luck. I had last night about failing the driving test that I would have to take to get a new license and spent my dreams running around my house over and over again searching everywhere possible. I woke up exhausted with two places to look: a laundry basket upstairs and my purse. Why even check my purse, I had emptied it out last night? It wouldn't hurt to just look again. There is was, sitting in the bottom of a totally empty bag. My rods and cones must have been all screwed up yesterday.

What Time Is It?

2008-11-05T00:30:00.000-05:00

We have discovered the perfect way to take the stress out of adjusting kids to Daylight Savings Time. Go on a business trip and leave your kids with a babysitter! I would warn that it reeks havoc on your own mind.

I woke up on Sunday at 4:45 am to catch a plane, but it should have felt like 5:45 am, granted I didn't go to bed until 1 am, or is it considered 2 am, the night before. We changed time zones on our trip and it should have felt like we were 2 hours behind. We ran like crazy for 3 days and then got home tonight at midnight. I have no idea what time I should feel like it is: 7 pm, 9 pm, 11 pm, or even 1 am? I do know that my body needs to decide it is sleepy as I am sure my kids will up before 7.

What Not to Do the Night Before Halloween...

2008-11-01T09:20:00.003-04:00

...Have 2 dozen cinnamon rolls along with 3 gallons of homemade rootbeer leftover from a party. All 7 of our bodies were on the verge of diabetic comas before the trick or treating even started.

Dinner In A Pumpkin: The Recipe

2008-10-31T23:49:00.000-04:00

By Popular Demand:

1 small pie pumpkin
1 onion, chopped
2 T oil
1 lbs. ground beef
2 T soy sauce
2 T brown sugar
1 can sliced mushrooms or fresh equivalent
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 1/2 c cooked rice
1 can water chestnuts, 8 oz.

Cut off pumpkin & thoroughly clean out. In large skillet, saute onions and mushroom in oil until tender. Add meat and brown. Drain drippings. Add soy sauce, brown sugar and soup. Simmer 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add rice and nuts. Spoon mixture into pumpkin shell, replace lids, and put on a baking sheet. Bake 1 hour at 350 degrees.

Dinner In A Pumpkin

2008-10-31T21:37:00.000-04:00

For some people the spirit of Halloween lives in the costumes, others the candy, but for me it is Dinner In A Pumpkin. It is basically a casserole cooked inside a pie pumpkin. You get to scoop out chunks of heavenly pumpkin with your serving. Delicious!

Pumpkin Math Day

2008-10-29T21:09:00.000-04:00

Jake & I volunteered to help with AJ's pumpkin math day at school. We were assigned a group of five kids that we helped estimate and then measure: height, width, weight, and number of seeds of the pumpkin we had brought in. My surprise was the mother's were all suppose to help their group carve the pumpkin. I have no art skills and have left all carving up to Al over the years. I figured I would let each kid design a part of the pumpkin. I realized the moment I turned around and saw the other's group incredibly ornate cat that perhaps I should have hired out.

Why Is Breakfast at 11 AM?

2008-10-27T14:43:00.004-04:00

Al made a family favorite today for breakfast, Puff Oven Pancakes, aka puffies. It shouldn't be hard to sit down and eat food that someone else has prepared for you. Today it was.

It all started with thinking I would just get the mounds of laundry sorted before I ate. But one thing lead to another: get a load started, make the preschool snacks, do Abby's hair, take a shower before Abby's ride came, do Aly's hair, switch out another load of laundry, walk the kids to school, exercise, switch out the laundry, heat up puffies, pickup house, do breakfast dishes, freecyle lady comes to pick up yarn, plumber comes to fix toilet, heat up puffies, Abby's occupational therapist calls and says state payment has been denied, call state and arrange for conference. It seemed like each thing I did I thought of 10 other things that I should just hurry and get done before eating. I realized at 11:10 that if I did not sit and eat them right then, they were going to be my lunch instead of breakfast.

Four Nights of My Fair Lady

2008-10-24T22:15:00.000-04:00

Among the numerous differences between our parents, movie watching is one of the most dramatic. Al's parents enjoy staying current on all the new releases while the last time my parents went to a theater, Ronald Reagen was president. Al & I are good for a movie about every other month. It definitely has nothing to do with not liking movies. I think it has more to do with commitment and less to do with upbringing. We have a hard time committing ourselves to sit for 2 hours. Not that we haven't spent that much consecutive time watching Seinfeld or Office Episodes or YouTube surfing, but making that commitment up front has been a tough pill for us to swallow.

Tuesday night, it was 8:45 pm, and we had finished everything we had to do and neither want to start on the "things we should do" list. We agreed to make a two hour commitment and My Fair Lady began. I love the old classics and Al is great about tolerating them. We should have seen that it was actually closer to three hours. Drifting to sleep was our enemy. It would take 4 nights to see Eliza and Mr. Higgins actually get together. All that build up and we were quite disappointed that fourth night when the best we got was "I've become accustomed to her face".

The Motherhood Creed

2008-10-20T21:54:00.006-04:00

Everything in motherhood either gets undone or you don't see the results for 20 years.

Today was no exception. I used all my "free time" today to do laundry and get the house clean. During my walk through tonight I noticed: fingerprints all over the sparkling clean sliding door, a pathway of crumbled leaves from the front door to the boys room blending into the vacuum lines, soap and toothpaste splashed on the bathroom mirror, muddy footprints all over the toilet lid and tank, and a pile of peed on clothes from a not-so-close accident on top of my just-ran-10-loads washer.

It is hard to remember that they are just kids and someday I will wish they hadn't grown up so fast. Hopefully I will then be reaping my rewards from all the years of behavior management, homework help, and falling into bed exhausted every night.

It is a good thing that they are cute!

Pumpkinfest 2008

2008-10-18T21:56:00.001-04:00

"Go Big or Go Home" is our family motto at food festivals. We only take as much cash as we are willing to spend because somehow our pockets are always empty when we leave. Tonight, we headed out to Circleville's Pumpkin Show. Our experience included: pumpkin taffy, touching a 1375.5 lb pumpkin, photos by the pumpkin tower, pumpkin waffles, pumpkin ice cream, world's largest pumpkin pie, pumpkin pizza, and a pumpkin eclair. By the time we got to the eclair, none of our kids wanted even a taste. More pumpkin for Al & I!

We did opt out of the pumpkin burger and sloppy joes.

Mission Impossible?

2008-10-15T16:39:00.004-04:00

Mission: You have exactly five minutes to get from your car into the grocery store, pickup items for luncheon your are hosting, and get back to your car.

Compensation: Be on time to pick up your daughter from her first day of preschool. You can con the teacher that your family is not a disaster waiting to happen and it is also your daughter's birthday and no one wants to feel forgotten on their birthday.

Complications: The store is filled with several senior citizens that are strolling through the middle of the aisle and your 2 year old son is on the verge of a tantrum because he wants his ball which is conveniently at home.

Status: Completed with 15 second to spare. Life is so much easier with just one child in tote.

Not Your Mother's Son or Father's For That Matter

2008-10-14T12:14:00.003-04:00

An emergency trip into AJ's first grade class for a desk cleaning was warranted after

1) a report card that was perfect except "Makes Good Use of Time"

2) his new set of markers were missing

While another parent at Back-To-School night was organizing her child's desk, I restrained myself with everything I had and refused to be a helicopter parent. But I did have a pretty good idea why his markers were missing. Yesterday's desk inspection revealed mounds of uncompleted paperwork, stray paper scraps, leaves, feathers, strings, and a variety of other objects. Two minimalist parents that try to squeeze the last drop of efficiency out of every task produced this pack rat child that spends his time smiling, talking, and just plain enjoying life? If it isn't nature and isn't nurture, than what is it?

The story does ends with a clean desk, several long talks about being organized and getting things done, and only two papers to complete. His teacher went through all those assignments only to find that each one only needed about 30 more seconds of work.

Seinfeld Season 9 Episode 9

2008-10-13T13:18:00.003-04:00

Sunday mornings are a little scary at our house. Al leaves at 6:15 am and the rest of us have to be out the door by 8:10 to get to church on time. Experience has taught me to get everyone dressed first and then eat breakfast. The traditional Sunday morning breakfast has been a banana and a poptart, the easiest things that either blend or brushes off. Trying to add to actually nutrition, I woke up an hour early on Sunday to make Applesauce Oatmeal Pureed Carrot Muffins in lieu of a poptart. I found myself in a predicament, how to get pureed carrots without waking everyone up. I headed into the most remote spot in the house with electricity, my bathroom. While pureeing I tried to thing of every possible reason that I wasn't just like Kramer...

The APOLOGY- Seinfeld Season 9 Episode 9
ELAINE: (eating dinner with Kramer, Elaine, and Puddy) Mmm. This food is fantastic,
PEGGY: And what a pretty radish rose, huh?
KRAMER: Well, thank you.
ELAINE: Here's to Peggy, on her first week of being germ-free, free.(all four make toast)
KRAMER: Yeah. And here's to David Puddy for helping me install a much needed and much appreciated garbage disposal in my bathtub.(all four make another toast)
PEGGY: You have a garbage disposal in your bathtub?
KRAMER: Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. Yeah, I made this whole meal in there.
ELAINE: This food was in the shower with you?
KRAMER: Mm-hmm. I prepared it as I bathed.(Peggy, Elaine, and Puddy all gag and wretch)
PUDDY: Oh, germs. Germs. Germs!

....preparing food in the bathroom: it is a big bathroom, I am just using the electricity, I do have pjs on, this countertop is more of an island that a bathroom sink, etc. Luckily the muffins were a hit. Apparently, they had enough sugar in them to disguise everything else. I made sure that Al had tried them before I told them where I had made them.

Where's My Minivan?

2008-10-11T23:09:00.001-04:00

5 hours of soccer with 5 kids and no husband definitely puts me into the running for Soccer Mom of the Day. Not to mention Abby's birthday tea party and a trip to Sam's that resembled my favorite game show Supermarket Sweep. I am trying not to think about life when 5 of them can play instead of just the 2.

Just Another Monday Mess

2008-10-06T14:03:00.000-04:00

Electrasol versus Dawn

2008-10-04T21:54:00.003-04:00

Need a good Saturday morning science experiment?

To get the suds, have your husband adds some dish soap to the dishwasher because the dishwasher soap is all gone. To get the dishwasher to resemble a volcano, clog the inside drain. Two easy steps to a clean kitchen floor and several dirty bath towels.

Homework #2

2008-10-03T21:53:00.005-04:00

Preschool homework project #2 has me a little worried about what is to come. Aly and Caleb are in separate classes but have the same curriculum. It is interesting enough to keep the small differences between their classes in my head.

These are the instructions attached to a paper with a bald head on it:

Make a self-portrait! It can be highly textured and complex by using a combination of yarn, crayons, felt, foam cut-outs, pasting pieces, and craft paper! Have a mirror on hand. Set out skin-tone paint and hair colored yarn. Encourage your kids to make their own shirts, shorts, and shoes. Make a name tag. Write up speech bubbles describing favorite toys and activities. Help your child practice what they will say when they share it next week at circle time.

Finished Products:

Next week I get to do 3 of these projects every other weekend as Abby joins the preschool brigade. Is there such thing as a preschool tutor?

Victory

2008-10-01T21:07:00.000-04:00

Today was the today. It took all day to gear myself up. But I was finally ready when Al got home. A big glass of water, a couple of Advil, and I headed upstairs to meet my mission. It would be a grueling 30 minutes. But victory would be mine. That mountain of clean sheets was assembled back onto both bunk beds.

Hurricane Laurie

2008-09-30T21:17:00.000-04:00

I had a friend call me up this week, "Lisa, are you feeling okay? It's just that you haven't updated your blog, responded to e-mails, or posted anything on the SAHM group."

My mother-in-law was in town.

When Laurie (the MIL) comes to visit it resembles a hurricane. You can plan all you want. But, you never really know what is coming until it is here. Honestly, that probably only applies to the color of highlights in Laurie's hair. But whenever she comes to visit it is non-stop activity. She jumps right into our everyday routines so we can work hard and play hard. The aftermath, aka detox, is the hardest part. Hurricane Laurie leaves behind 7 sleep deprived, sugar high, "magic card"-less people that spend a week trying to recover while recalling the sweet adventures of the week before.

Laurie and I left with 5 kids and a magic card can create quite the storm. Neither of us bat an eye on taking 5 kids anywhere. The jury is still out whether my 5 kids in 5 years beats her 6 kids in 8 years. Some of our adventures included:

* Janie & Jack: An upscale children's boutique where we reverted back to our doll playing years picking out new outfits, including shoes, for the girls; while trying to keep the boys from dismantling the entire shop.

* The Melting Pot: The kids had a blast dipping into the cheese and chocolate fondues and cooking their own meat in boiling broth on a pot in the middle of the table. The adults attempted to keep the kids from burning themselves and performing search and rescue missions on all the food that didn't stay on the fondue forks. Good thing the two tables next to us were so drunk they didn't even notice us.

* Fruit Farm Market: We couldn't help ourselves and loaded up on over 60 pounds of fresh fruits and vegetables. Getting it all to the car a block away, along with the kids was the interesting part.

* Candy Store: Laurie pulled the ace on this one and divied up tasks. My job was to regulate the amount of candy each child put into their sacks while Laurie scouted out some fun treats for the adults and swiped her magic card.

Looking back, we can't believe all that we did in just 10 days, and look forward to her coming again.

The Secret

2008-09-18T21:27:00.000-04:00

Oprah may have her own version of the secret but I discovered mine today. It has been months since we have had a meal with everyone staying at the table for the duration. A game of duck-duck-goose, potty breaks, or simply the distraction of having a dinner table surrounded by windows, leads to our meal resembling Grand Central Station with all of the comings and goings. Tonight, all five sat quiet and stuffed their chubby little faces. Al & I actually had adult conversation. The secret, Eggplant Parmesan. Who knew? Definitely not the kids and I wasn't about to tell them what they were eating.

Burns Aren't Whooses

2008-09-17T21:18:00.000-04:00

A life changing book, "The Parenting Breakthrough" has lead me on a search the last couple of months for a family motto. This week was the week. Burns Aren't Whooses. I came up with the slogan while convincing AJ to keep pedaling on the death march I took the kids on. The park doesn't seem that far away. Trying to add something to the good mom list, I packed a lunch and we headed out with AJ & Aly on their bikes and the younger three in the wagon. Thanks to mapquest, I just found out it is actually almost 4 miles round trip. To my credit, the slogan was created after the first 1/2 mile. To AJ's credit, he did gut it up and completed the trek smiling. To Aly's credit, she rode almost the entire way there and back.

I realized that something sounding like a really good idea until it is actually happening isn't an isolated incident but rather a regular occurrence in this family. In fact, AJ first experienced it at a young age of 4 days. When most new families are still holed up in their house, our family was out enjoying a full day of traditional Memorial Day festivities. At 3 weeks old, we headed down to southern Utah so I could coach soccer. At 3 months old, he learned to put off hunger with a binky or bottle of water for 30 minutes or so because his mother wasn't going to bear her chest in the Louvre, Eiffel Tower, or Paris Opera House. The list continues with sleeping outside on the hard ground because your parents are refinishing the floors, going from only child to brother of 4 in 23 short months, barfing in the back corner of the burb the entire 12 hour drive to Utah, riding in the burb with the snow pouring in the back window, and on and on.

Despite choices you make or whatever life throws at you, gut it up and see it through because the Burns Aren't Whooses.

But the kids want to learn!

2008-09-16T19:26:00.001-04:00

After only 5 days of preschool, Caleb & Aly have been barred from entering the building. Surprisingly it isn't due to behavior problems but rather Hurricane Ike. What was left of Ike hit a cold front right here in Central Ohio, Sunday night. We were out of power for a couple of hours but the kids had a great time playing outside in the mild gusts of wind. When we tried to go to school Monday morning there wasn't a car in the parking lot. Three disappointed kids, all dressed up, and no place to go. Apparently, we were in the eye of the storm and almost the entire Columbus area was hit with high winds (up to 75 mph) and were still without power and trees down everywhere. We all had high hopes of the school being open today, but no such luck. Tomorrow Caleb, Aly, and AJ might form a mutiny if it is another day without the Pledge of Allegiance.

I should add that I am not actually complaining, as we were very blessed to not feel the effects of the storm and be able to resume our life as usual barring going to school.

One Reason Boys are Easier Than Girls

2008-09-15T12:33:00.001-04:00

A friend got me hooked on a blog all about little girl's hair. It makes sense that every morning in addition to coaxing 5 kids through showers, baths, getting dressed, breakfast, making beds, cleaning rooms, backpacks, shoes, jackets, and reading books all with a departure time of 8:45, I am trying to be creative to with my two little girl's hair. I will warn you that before you click on the blog link, it is addicting.

Allergies

2008-09-14T21:01:00.000-04:00

AJ has learned from school all about kids with allergies and what they can and can't eat. He said to a friend the other day, "I wish I were allergic to dry meat."

The Question No Mother Wants to Answer

2008-09-12T12:26:00.002-04:00

The kids were playing at the playground by AJ's soccer field (a long story as to why were there 45 minutes before anyone else). AJ came over and told me he had to go to the bathroom. With no bathroom in sight and being at the park alone, I sent him to the nearby wooded area to take care of business. About 10 minutes later he came back over to me, walking kind of funny, and asked, "What should I wipe with?"

Happy Mother's Day

2008-09-11T20:54:00.001-04:00

AJ has this amazing backpack with pockets and compartments everywhere. It is a great organizational tool besides the fact that he takes it to schoool empty and brings home 1 schoolwork paper each day. He was finding his paper to show me and handed me a homemade chocolate rose.

AJ: "I forgot to give this to you."

Lisa: "When did you make it?"

AJ: "In kindergarten. You can eat it now if you want."

Preschool Fatigue

2008-09-10T16:32:00.000-04:00

I think preschool may be wearing Caleb out. It is 4:30 pm and he went and put on his pajamas by himself. Only 3 hours early.

Why Even Try?

2008-09-09T09:39:00.000-04:00

I knew of a family growing up that would throw all the clean laundry in a pile and each person was responsible to dig out their own things.

From this picture you would think we are like that family. On the contrary, I am psychotic about the way that clean clothes are folded. I spent too many years working in a clothing store. I usually have to refold anything that anyone else has folded. I stayed up late last night to get all of the loads done. When I went to bed at 1 am, all of these clothes were in each person's basket sorted by pants, shirts, and pajamas.

Jake apparently has some different ideals for our family and did this during my 3 minute shower. I have no idea how he did it, as I found AJ's clothes on the top, bottom, and middle of everyone else's. It was more calculated than just a dump job. This isn't the first time that Jake thought he was the boss and I am certain not the last.

You Shouldn't Even Ask

2008-09-08T13:21:00.001-04:00

On our walk home from school today, I asked Caleb if he had made any friends in his class. I shouldn't have even asked. The rest of the walk home was filled by Caleb & Aly arguing whose class Peyton was in. Aly would not accept that there could be a Peyton in each of their classes and Caleb would not relent that his friend, Peyton, was in his class. There was even stomping, tears, yelling, and hitting (in that order). I have a feeling I have years of school arguments ahead.

#1 Sign that Dinner Will be More Crazy Than Usual

2008-09-05T21:09:00.000-04:00

The first thing mentioned in the prayer is:

"Please bless us that we can find a good trap so we can catch a chipmunk."

A Chance At Sanity

2008-09-04T09:21:00.003-04:00

Today marks a new era in the Burns life. We are officially out of baby mode and into preschool mode. AJ made all of these "first steps" by himself. It seems like the rest of the kids will do things in groups.

Caleb & Aly had their first day today and Abby should start in about a month. I had quite a list to get ready yesterday after orientation. It took hours but at 12:30 last night, the paperwork had all been read and signed, the monstrous school supply lists had been acquired, snacks packed, and names sewn on backpacks.

The kids did their own prep on the walk to school. Luckily, the preschool is at the elementary school so we can all walk together. AJ, Caleb, and Aly hung back while AJ taught them the ropes of the school. Then, I overheard Caleb and Aly giving each other prep talks. "We are not going to cry" and "We are going to say, bye Mom" and "We are not going to pee our pants" and "We are going to be nice to our new friends."

How to Decide If You Need New Kitchen Rugs

2008-09-03T10:41:00.001-04:00

Get a 30% off coupon in the mail and think you should replace those kitchen rugs that are falling apart that your husband who never complains about anything is complaining about. Tell husband you are getting new rugs. Make his day. Think too hard the next day and decide you should save all your money to go toward future dental practice. Throw away coupon. Wash rugs and hang outside to dry. Forget for 2 days that they are outside. When it rains you notice they are outside getting wet. Wait for 3 more days to completely dry. Bring them inside. Discover they have lost all non-skid properties and are now sleds for your children. Remember how many times you have been to urgent care in the last week. Throw rugs away. Begin hunt for new rugs.

Romance at our House is Alive and Well!

2008-09-02T09:12:00.000-04:00

Sure, some couples might have date night. We have Neti Pot Night. We have both been a little stuffy from all of the junk that is going around so yesterday I picked up a neti pot. I have been interested in trying one for a while. A neti pot is a basically a watering can for your nose that you pour into one nostirl and hope it comes out the other. We learned that nostril size, head angle, and being serious were all important. Laughing hysterically at the other person really is a cheap shot to get them to get the drowning sensation. Who knows, maybe the family that netis together stays together.

Al's Invitation to Visitors

2008-08-31T22:06:00.002-04:00

After we ripped little AJ (15 months old) away from the constant attention of grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to move to Nebraska, we tried to write a little family letter each week to e-mail to them so they all felt they could still watch him grow-up. Al can write some pretty humorous stuff and this is one of my favorites, so I thought that I would share.

"Anyone wishing to come and stay with us now will have two theme rooms to choose from. There is the Self Reliance room where you can slumber amongst dry packed goods, canned items and water storage. Mood lighting is dark, pitch black in fact and you can dream to the sounds of wood floors squeaking or scrapbook to your hearts content. Your other option is the Therapy room. Here you may sleep on the height adjustable trundle bed, catch a wink on the crash pad or as many of our visitors do, just lay on the floor. Whenever you feel the need to stimulate your sensory needs you may jump on the trampoline and sing absolute nonsense at the top of your lungs. Other accommodations include sitting on the inflatable peanut, locking your self into a small closet where you can play the xylophone or drums or trying to rip apart board books. Both rooms also come with complimentary middle of the night visitors who may inform you they have peed the bed, are hungry for scrabbled eggs or need their bottom scratched because it itches. One thing we can ensure is that your experience at Insanity Inn will be one you never forget or may never recover from."

It is so great to be married to someone that has just as skewed view on our crazy family as I do.